I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
