I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
