hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
