You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
