There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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