She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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