Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
