Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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