She is in my trunk
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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