You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
