the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
