She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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