well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
