idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
