Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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