1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think my fart just growled at me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize
