Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
