hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
