ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
