yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
