drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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