I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
