Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
