Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
