Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
