just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
