I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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