You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
