the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
