is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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