During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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