thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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