White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
