Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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