Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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