I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
