It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
