So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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