he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
