I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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