I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
