what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
