he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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