it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just found puke in my bra..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
