I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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