it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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