Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
