You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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