maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
