I'm lost and stupid without you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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