apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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