I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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