Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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