if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
