Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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