You're so nebulous sometimes
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
